In last week’s poll I asked which relationship pain your firm
had felt – or could feel coming. Plenty of you weighed in. And
one answer rose above the rest.
The most common answer, by a clear margin, was this:
A warm introduction that never happened because nobody
followed up.
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The intro that was offered and never chased.
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The “I’d love to connect you with-” that died in
a thread.
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The conversation that went well, and then
just… stopped.
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Because following up felt like it needed a
reason, and no reason ever came.
I found that telling. Of all the ways relationships leak, the
one that stings most isn’t dramatic loss. It’s the thing that
was right there and went uncollected. The warmest, easiest
opportunity – the one that needed nothing but a nudge – is the
one we let slide.
So why do we do it?
This is the part I think will help you this week.
There’s a body of research on exactly this, and the finding is remarkably consistent. People dramatically underestimate how much others appreciate being reached out to. Not a little. A lot across thousands of participants, in study after study.
The researchers found something even more useful for you specifically: the effect is strongest when the contact is unexpected, and when the relationship has gone a little cold. The further out of touch you are, the more you underestimate how welcome your message will be.
Read that again, because it’s the exact opposite of how it feels.
It feels like the longer it’s been, the weirder it is to reach out.
Like the silence has hardened into something awkward, and breaking it requires an excuse.
The research says the reverse is true: the person on the other end is more glad to hear from you than you imagine, and the gap between what you fear and what they feel is widest precisely when you’ve been out of touch the longest.
The follow-up you’ve been dreading isn’t an imposition. It’s a gift the other person is waiting for – they just don’t know it’s coming, and you don’t know how welcome it’ll be.
So this week, one small thing.
That introduction that never got followed up. The one that came to mind just now, reading this. It’s not too late, and it’s not too awkward, and the person is almost certainly going to be happier to hear from you than the voice in your head is predicting.
Send the follow-up.
The warm one.
The connection that was already leaning your way.
You were right that it’s the biggest leak. You were probably wrong about how hard it is to fix.
One more thing, while you’re thinking about it.
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That single follow-up is one relationship.
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But the leak the poll pointed to isn’t one missed intro – it’s all of them, across every relationship your firm isn’t tracking.
The intros. The ex-clients.
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The referrers who went silent.
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Together they add up to a number most founders have never seen.
If you want to know roughly what that number is for your firm, the calculator below will show you in about ninety seconds. No spreadsheet, no data to dig up.
Click below to see what those missed connections are actually worth.
